I’m twittering now -   www.twitter.com/nickula 

I watched the England Germany game with my German friend, the German Comedy Ambassador Henning Wehn.  It was tense prematch, but we were determined to maintain a cordial relationship and address the rivalry in a modern, friendly and adult manner.  So there were no cheap, childish references to the Second World War, even from the arrogant goose-stepping representative of the Aryan so-called master race.   Somehow I wasn’t optimistic about England's prospects, despite our brilliant performances in the group, and was resigned to defeat early on. (Taking my cue from the England players’ body language.)   But this didn’t stop me kicking the door at the injustice of Lampard’s disallowed goal.   Or, more accurately as Henning pointed out, I "tried to kick the door but in fact made initial contact only with a chair."  My wife sniggered at this.  She's Scottish.   Strange how the fervour takes over, even watching on TV.  I found myself yelling instructions at the screen, as if the players could a: hear, and b: would find them useful.   Ridiculous.  Capello is yelling from the side of the pitch and that makes no difference either. 

Still, I can take some solace in the fact I have as many World Cup goals as Wayne Rooney.

Meanwhile, BP are sponsoring a season at the Royal Opera House this summer.  I hear Swan Lake has been cancelled.   For his personal safety, BP CEO Tony Hayward has to travel in the USA disguised as Osama Bin Laden.  Clearly he didn’t realise though,  that pictures of him disguised as a complacent fat cat enjoying a weekend in unpolluted waters on a luxury yacht would somehow find their way across the Atlantic.  To be fair, why would the head of one of the world’s biggest multinationals be expected to know about global communications and 24 hour news? The poor guy only wants his life back.  Maybe we could give him someone else’s.  Like, a Gulf pelican’s. 

You can completely understand the Americans’ outrage over the oil spill.  Firstly, the use of the word “spill.”   An understatement on a par with calling England completely useless.   But not only are the Americans rightfully furious at the terrible pollution, they are also disgusted by the very notion that a multinational company would go into a foreign country and rape and ravage it for oil with no regard for the consequences.  It’s just utterly alien to their way of life.  Good for Obama, though,  forcing BP to divert dividends payments into a reparations fund.  I wonder if he has a phone number for Union Carbide.

I found it depressing last week that the crowd at Glastonbury cheered Prince Charles.  Especially as he'd only gone down there to try and block planning permission for the Pyramid Stage.

Here of course, the major news the first phase of draconian spending cuts introduced by the coalition.  A lot of them directly opposite to the economic arguments that the Lib Dems fought their campaign on.  I’m sure there’s sound reasons for their u-turn, and that Vince Cable will explain them to us just as soon as he’s invented them.  By the way,  Cable is not one of those politicians who rehearses speeches in the mirror, as he can’t bear to look in one. 

I’m guessing there’s a lot of Lib Dem supporters now looking back fondly to the days when theirs was just a wasted vote.

By the way, in August I’ll be performing my solo show - “Revel Yell” -  at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern in Vauxhall, London - on Monday 9^th August and Tuesday 10^th.   Below is a link to their website, and to the site for online booking. 

www.rvt.org.uk

http://www.ticketweb.co.uk/HAF2010

The Weather

I'm English, so what better subject to start with than the weather? London today is wet and greasy. When it's not actually raining, the sky just oozes moisture like a dirty grey floor-cloth. This summer, so much water has fallen on the British Isles that the Atlantic must be shallow enough to walk across. I'm beginning to take it personally, look for someone to blame. The weathermen, the government. The Bishop of Carlisle blamed the rain and the flooding on Britain's tolerance of homosexuality. Good to have it explained by an expert. There was me thinking it was all down to the jet-stream being pulled further south than usual owing to the effects of global warming and El Nino and La Nina, which in turn cause large areas of low pressure to remain virtually stationary over Britain with concomitant excessive precipitation for the time of year. Turns out it was all down to two schoolboys in Gloucester French kissing in a bus shelter and no-one complaining. .

I'm not an atheist by any means, and I think a lot of us are more religious than we realise. Just sit in a pub and watch a football match. You will see dozens and dozens of grown men believing they can influence the result of the game by yelling at the screen. The game is happening in another city, but they believe shouting at the television can help their team.

I respect anyone's spiritual belief if it keeps them happy. I just wish they'd also keep it to themselves. Feel happy knowing they're going to heaven when they die, shut up, and let the rest of us go to hell, in our own time. Is that too much to ask? I'm sick of these religious fanatics going round the world, killing innocent people because of what they think it says in their version of the many unique versions of absolute truth on offer. And I'm not just talking about George Bush; it's anyone who needs to turn their fear of the unknown at the end of life into a raging psychotic delusion and take it out on other people.

It's brightening up a bit outside.

More soon...